On Pain

An Unexpected, Western Outing

I grew up in Oakdale, California, where I lived for 18 or so years before going to school in the Bay Area. Oakdale prides itself on being The Cowboy Capital of the World, and some time ago, it vied for the name with another city in Texas, with sales of rodeo tickets winning Oakdale the title. Every April, there is also a Rodeo Parade, an event I grew up on, one that captivates the whole town. Waking up early every year to visit the parade was something we looked forward to as kids. There is also a Cowboy Museum and so much more.

That said, I have never been the biggest fan of the Rodeo or the Cowboy aesthetic. I was more of a skater as a youth. My sister is, though, and today, after a friend cancelled on her, and as this is one of her more favorite things to do, I decided to take her there. Having never been to the Rodeo in all my time living in or around Oakdale, it was a sight to see. Thousands of cowboys, cowgirls, cowboy music, cowboy boy boots, cows and everything in between, from the town and from far away too. Concessions, onlookers, music and more. But everything was there for the show: the actual rodeo competition in which professionals competed in various kinds of events, including barrel races, bull riding, calf-tying and more. Now I am a vegan, and I won’t go into my politics here. But I wanted to reflect a bit on my experience.

First, and foremost, it was a spectacle: seeing people, being seen, being enveloped in an entirely different world of cowboy hats, boots, beers, music and more. It was also hard not to be captivated by the events. Watching a man decide to get on top of a bull to show his might, even as the raw, muscular form of the bull kicked and hawed with every buck. But every time, the bull would eventually buck him off, a testament to the wild, uncontrollable aspect of nature that can only be roped and penned but never fully ridden and managed. The skills of the cowboys and cowgirls were also on full display: technical skills with riding and roping and with distracting otherwise feral beasts. And everything happened in mud and water, a recent rain having poured over the rodeo grounds. Watching the riders cope with the force of the animals they were riding left you with this feeling of deep, great power, something that must bring riders back time and again: the exhilaration and the adrenaline involved in engaging in something that may very well end your life if done poorly.

And the events were punctuated with cowboy music and event giveaways like t-shirts. Friends spent time together, and half the people were barely watching the show and just having fun with whoever they were there with. My sister was happy, so I was happy. And I found it interesting and world-disclosing in its way: a whole world I had never experienced and now knew something about.

What struck me as most enertaining was how proudly “Trump” paraphernlia was displayed. In so many other places, Trump logos are, by default, cancelled. But at the Rodeo, they were proudly adorned on shirts, hats and more.

Even though I was tired from a long weekend and my tennis shoes and pants were muddied and soaked, I can say that I enjoyed myself, and it was quite an eye-opening experience. I don’t know if I will become an annual visitor, but I do now have a newfound appreciation for the Oakdale Rodeo.

Photo Credit: https://www.instagram.com/fsamsin/?img_index=1

There Will Be Blood, A Brief Review

So I plan on writing more about this soon, but here’s a teaser:

Just a phenomenal film. Wonderful, intense performances, and a great plot. A man becomes an oil driller, exploits those around him, pursues the American Dream and sees it to its lonely end. All while the film explores the manifold and competing aspects of this American spirit.

That Moment

That moment when all of the day’s chores are done: what a special moment.

Today, I changed the power steering hose on my car. It still needs some adjustment, but it is running just fine. I replaced it because it was leaking (and it was 25 years old most likely). It was quite a job, and sometimes, even the right tools can’t make the work any easier: four hours or more, and probably another one hour to adjust the hose. But I feel good! Another project accomplished.

So many small parts in a car, and lots of learning in the process.

Car should be good to go for a while now.

Old one

New one

On Challenge

I enjoy a challenge, whether it’s training for JKD or Thai Boxing, fixing some foreign part on my car I didn’t even know existed or studying on my own or for a test. I enjoy challenge because it tests my being and my abilities, forces me to work to become better and helps with whatever challenges come next. Some challenges are scary too, but with the right preparation, planning and training, we can overcome many of them. If we try, try again. And if we don’t, that’s ok too. We lick our wounds, we get up again, and we move forward: tomorrow is another day. What matters with challenges is not defeat but in being defeated.

On the Sharing of Pain

Something that I’ve struggled with in my life, especially when something gets hard, is acting-out or letting the pain I experience or feel come out in my interactions with others. I think this is a common experience. We hurt, which is a natural part of being-in-the-world, physically and emotionally, and sometimes, managing that hurt, feeling it and trying to control it, feels like too much. Consequently we might let the pain we experience coat our interactions with others and come out in how we treat those around us. This is a hard thing but a real and raw thing. And it’s ok if we aren’t perfect and we make mistakes: and trying to be understanding of those who make mistakes is important too. But what’s important is doing all we can to understand that pain and work through it on our own, or with a professional, as much as possible, so we don’t let it hurt others. So we stop the pain in its tracks. That said, if we do act-out or let our pain hurt our friends and family in our interactions with them: it’s ok. Be kind to one’s self. That’s what “I’m sorry” is for. Just keep going and try again next time.

The Old Guitarist, Picasso

On Life Out There

Today, on one of my social work home visits, I met with a client who is very into alien life. I wanted to take a photo, but I thought better of it, to respect their privacy. This person had hats, shirts, posters and more. What most impressed me were wood carvings of aliens that looked a lot like the green alien you typically think of when you think of aliens. Very impressive wood-carved figurines. On an eclipse day, it reminded me of PBS Space Time, and their great series of videos. Def worth a watch.

Also, a video my brother shared of his friend at an eclipse viewing in Texas.

Small is Small?

Over the weekend, I spent 4-6 hours replacing a hose and some parts on the power steering on my car. I was successful, even though I’m still sore 🤣. But the Lexus drives well again.

Cars are interesting machines. I was close to done when I realized I was missing a very small but very (very) important seal (a rubber piece that is small and keeps liquid from escaping and air from getting into tight spaces).

Pictured below, not having this seal meant I could barely steer (and the car groaned and moaned unhappily). But once I replaced it, everything went back to normal: all was well in the world again.

Small enough to fit on your pinky, I’ve pictured it below. Sometimes, in this world, even the smallest thing can make a huge difference.

Pliny the Younger

A friend shared some Pliny the Younger yesterday with me, a new beer offered every year at Russian River, in Northern California, just one time per year. People wait for hours in line to try it. Although an IPA, it was pretty good, especially with chocolate.

Seeing the Sis

Spent some time with Anne today, after a short hiatus. I read her some Chekhov (stopped before I bored her), listened to some Outside Lands playlists and the nature documentary Our Planet, which she likes. She was active today, and seemed healthy.